Not to bring it back to Christmas, but is there any way of returning something that doesn't come with a gift receipt?

Case in point.

Take a leaf out of Jack Bourdain's book if you're looking to get someone a present, in the future. I like Jack. He can stay.

Anyway, pro tip for the New Year: coffee, baths, and prairie oysters don't help. Try beating yourself in the head with a 2x4 next time if you want to try solving anything as far as a hangover goes with any kind of external remedy. At least then you'll be knocked out.

But, hey, don't let fear stop you. There's nothing more entertaining than watching people around here deal with drunk and snow at the same time. Unless there's a curse.

Speaking of entertainment, Gren Elle, you owe me a drink and a cigarette. And Nick, you owe me five minutes of you sitting still. Does anyone have any duct tape?

[audio : on]

Did I hear something about zombies? Must be Tuesday here. Oh, it's on -

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii~

Did you really think you could get rid of me?

[the snick-snick of a lighter catching, then a sharp inhale]

Not that I'm happy to be back in a hellhole like this, but at least there are people out there who owe me a serious round of drinks and after what I've been through I'd say I deserve it. Do you know what it's like on Venus? Sheesh.

[soft, thoughtful pause]

So who's still here anyway? And I swear if any of you idiots cleared out my apartment and ruined my couch in the process, I'm going to shove my foot so far up your ass you'll -

OH MY GOD IT'S THE FUCKING DOG.

[there's a scuffle, a bark, and the audio shuts off ]

( filtered to Styles' office || unhackable )

My, god. How many buttons does one person need? I feel like I can't breathe in this. There are buttons on the SLEEVES. I don't see how this is practical at all.

Whoever's got my shorts this time, word of advice: if you mess with any of the inside pockets, it's your life on the line.

One last thing:

Someone has one day to adopt this. I can't handle two of them in the same apartment and expect to still have a fully functioning wardrobe by tomorrow morning without losing my mind. It's already started, and I didn't even do anything.

PS. Cori. You're a dead man walking.

[ooc: Faye's switched with Snape. That's right. Snape.]

[there's some crashing, some smashing, and then something that sounds distinctly like someone tripping over her own two feet, since she's graceful like that.]

Oh. Great. [tap tap] Is this thing on, or is it broken like everything else around this place?

[this is obviously one, Faye Valentine, and this is obviously one Faye Valentine kicking something hard enough to leave a dent.]

Ow. Damn it. Ugh. Look, number one, my ship is completely wrecked. I know it's never going to fly here, but I need someone to fix it - Or move it, at least - so I don't have to look at it like this. It's a complete eyesore. It actually looks like it's in pain. Number two, I need a Tylenol. Now. And a shower.

Number three -

[radio silence for a minute]

A pack of Camels would be nice. Along with a drink. And -

[there's a pause and then the distinct, loud noise of someone's stomach rumbling.]

Anyone got anything to eat? Anything that's not dog food? You'd be amazed at what Jet Black tries to get a growing girl like me to chew on for three months straight. If I have to be back in this place, the food at least needs to make up for it. Now that I think of it, didn't someone owe me a cake?

Anyway, uh... hi. Again. What'd I miss?

[ooc: Back from home and I'm back from hiatus. Sup, poly.]

Let's just get one thing straight:

I DIDN'T DO IT.

You should be looking at her brother, not me. Christ. You answer one munchkin's question in this place and suddenly everyone's blaming you for things you didn't do. Story of my life? I think so.

As far as the rest of you go, find some comfort food and cheer up. And stay out of the woods. Apparently that's where everyone's getting dazed and confused and completely depressed. Survey says: don't go looking for grandma's house if the trip there is going to make you want to drown yourself.

... I need a cigarette. Or ten.

IT WASN'T DRUGS.

My god.

[ooc: Just an aside:
AshamedTrout (9:15:37 PM): Ask the next person you see if they like Colonel Angus.
marygonemad09 (9:16:13 PM): doesn't everyone like Colonel Agnus?
AshamedTrout (9:16:27 PM): i f-f-fool mythelf thometimeth!!]

I didn't forget. Don't even think about it. Forgetting is a completely different continent from where I am.

I've been giving you time.

The question is: did you forget? The answer better be no.

Cake, candles, presents, presents. In that order.

Don't hold back. I know none of you have any kind of sweet tooth left after this stupid curse and whatever the hell else is going on around here, so cough up the goods.

A single-file line will do.

So here's the lesson:

Shit stinks, deal with it.

Last week was my two year anniversary. Two goddamn years.

Someone better buy me a goddamn drink, bake me a cake, and give me a plaque that says 'Oldest Living Resident of this Shithole.'

I'm pretty sure I deserve all of it. And probably more.


[ooc: She's alive, really.]

LOOK WHAT I FOUND! :D!

My pompoms! I knew I'd find them! They were hiding under the bed with the monsters. But now I have them, and do you know what that means?! WE CAN DO CHEERS! I can make one up for anyone, too! I'm pretty much the best there is at making them up so if you need some done, just ask. But don't ask me to do a split yet 'cause I haven't gotten that one perfected.

Where's Kitty? I haven't seen her in so long! Where is she? She's the best at playing pirates and climbing trees but she's not very good at making cookies or caramel corn or anything like that, but that's okay since she's fun! She's my best friend!

Nicholas and Vash and Dexter and ummmmm.... EVERYONE ELSE! Where are you? It's been so long. Come out come out come out!

Oh and for everyone who's new! I'm Faye "The Tart" Valentine! Even though that's not my last name, so I don't get it but that's what Cori told me to say so that's what you should call me!

[ooc: if you make me make up a cheer, I will eat you. she's like 9 okay, she thinks tarts are great. :<]

( private to Edward || unhackable )

( private to Bebop Crew || unhackable || Vicious inclusive )

Hypothetical question for you. How many men does it take to turn a girl into a lesbian?

Perverts need not apply. Cori's not allowed to answer either.

And someone turn everyone back from fucking mice, jeez. They breed and make diseases mutate or something. This guy's the only one with the right idea.

I DIDN'T DO IT.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? IT'S... inking? BLEEDING ON MY NEW COUCH.

... do I shoot it?

What the hell? WHAT THE HELL IT JUST GAVE ME A PAPER CUT.


[ooc: yes, that's a drawing of Faye killing Spike that she doodled at work. >.> and it's canon that she is THAT BAD.]

( private to Vicious || completely unhackable )

Worst show yet, no offense, Mr DJ. Kitty would've -

Spike, I want that whiskey.

What the fuck is going on? If the Black Death's running around again then can we seriously please think of something a little more original? If it's like the last time, then - I know, I know, the 'please' is shocking, but desperate times call for desperate measures, right?

And what the hell else is happening around this place? Talk about a bunch of gossip queens. Is there something in the water? Shut your damn mouth and get back to doing what it is you all do best: whining and complaining and kissing each other's asses. Or screwing each other, depending on who you talk to.

... Did anyone check on Giselle, by the way, or do I have to do that myself, too?

[ooc: strikes = gone!]

Let's get a few things straight:

I am better than you.

I shoot better.

I fly better.

I wear my clothes better.

I drink better.

I have better comebacks.

I'm smarter. Better put together. My skin is better. My figure is better. And if anyone tries to argue that they can wear hotpants, suspenders, and thigh-highs better than me, I'll put my foot up your ass better than anyone else, too.

Any questions?

Another day, another dollar. Or so the saying goes. These days, I guess that only applies if your kind of currency has to do with taking lives. By now the cat's already out of the bag, all the chips are on the table, whatever kind of analogy you wanna use, etcetera, etcetera.

What'd we learn, anyway? Anything? That's really up to you to decide. Trapper, trappee, innocent bystander, informant, member of our wonderfully intelligent police brigade? The question's really irrelevant. The answer's different to each and every person, I'm sure.

So many answers, so little time. You have to wonder if the world - well, our world, this City, funny how some of us have come to consider it better than the alternative, whatever that may be. But, anyway, you have to wonder if the world is going to stop and take time to consider this, reflect, grow, possibly change. There's a saying that goes something like "the world doesn't stop for your grief." Should it? Would it matter if it did?

Asking that's futile, too, because tomorrow everyone's going to go back to bitching about the most recent curse: speakeasies and mafias and all that bullshit. The same old, same old. Haven't we been over this a million times before?

The truth of the matter is this: we live in a snow globe around this place. And shaking it up doesn't make anyone give a damn more than they did yesterday. It's just some more fucking snow in the end, after all. Give it a week's time, and it won't matter one bit what happened three days ago. The world moves too fast for that, and the world doesn't stop for your grief.

Or does it? Maybe that depends. What do you think? The world ever stopped turning just because you got a splinter or a paper cut or something along those lines?

If you answered yes to any of those questions, you're lying.

Today's Playlist:

"The Whole World," Outkast
"Cop Killer," Ice T
"Tequila," The Champs
"Dirty Laundry," Don Henley
"Viva la Vida", Coldplay
"The Dope Show,' Marilyn Manson
"Talk Show Host," Radiohead

( Radio Notes )

Because walking is such a privilege and all.

What the hell is going on in this place? Serial killers, the usual idiots, people going crazy and now what is-... Is this the circus or is this the circus? Didn't we already have this curse? I know the deities aren't really fresh on originality lately, but Jesus Christ, this is starting to get just a little old, don't you think?

Speaking of serial killers, did you brainiacs on the police force catch the guy yet or are we still able to take bets on who's getting what and when? No wonder they put a bounty system in back where I'm from.

You know, forget it. Someone better just buy me a drink before I die of boredom and lack of expectations being met. Not that this is anything new, of course.


[ooc: I'm supposed to be on hiatus, I know. >.> This post is entirely necessary and then I will vanish into Finals World.]

Hey, John Doe. I've got an annoying bird attached to me. You can buy me that drink tomorrow.

She's demanding.

Oh, for Christ's sake. I've HAD it. Why the hell is this thing back? It completely ruined my coat last time and -

Is she always this loud? I don't remember her being this loud. She's just upset because of that gu -

Will you SHUT UP? I'm trying to -

You see what I mean? Putting up with this? You know, she got really drunk the last time that I was around. Doesn't that count as animal - soul - cruelty? Doesn't that count as - [some undignified noises, to be sure.]

So do you people think you could personally survive shooting and eating one of these things or is that gonna violate some code of conduct? [muffled voices here, guys.]

I'm seriously beginning to contemplate it and just thou--OW. IT BIT ME!


[ooc: Yeah, she's got Maggie the magpie again. Like you didn't see it coming. If you have any doubts to Maggie's credibility, just know that Maggie is epic the end. The links are just there for reference.]

( filtered to Bebop People | unhackable | yes, that means you, too, Vicious, don't get used to it )

What the hell is going on?

I get it. An alternate city. Definitely not the most original theory I've heard for whenever the deities start acting weird, but I'll go with it.

...You think the rent is cheaper there?

Whatever it's doing, it's weird. Someone needs to fix it before it starts getting annoying.

( SEVEN THINGS MEME & sexual dictionary, oh yeah baby | not an IC cut )

Talk about too much information. You know some of you should really learn about that whole concept of censorship.

( private to Gren || unhackable )

By the way, I'm looking for someone who speaks German.

[ooc: ps, in case you hadn't noticed... ADD GREN. This icon is dedicated to Bon.

PS. A BELATED ADD VICIOUS TOO. CLAIRE.]

So I kinda ran into a little problem--



What the hell am I supposed to do with this stuff and who's going to fix it for me?

Not that any of you morons are capable of doing anything right or for yourselves - and that's the truth - but I'm sick of rearranging this stuff and you all owe me.

I mean, do I even have to name names?

You know, I wouldn't put you through this shit if I didn't think you all were completely whipped.

By the way, guys, that war curse? Hilarious. Really.


[ooc: ask a question - get an answer >.>]

Come get it. And bring my couch.

filtered from Vicious | Ed's coding | absolutely unhackable:

Building 10, #8. Maybe the opposite won't be so bad. It's bigger, at least. And quiet. The toilet's broken, though. Who's stepping up to fix that?

[/filter]

( private to Jet | Ed's coding | absolutely unhackable )

( private to Julia | unhackable )

Question of the Day: why are men people so unbelievably stupid? Is it a disease or something? Inquiring minds wanna know, how do you deal with being inadequate?


[ooc: Lol bad mood is bad. Strikes alllll gone.]